~Cute Pictures~

Olivia waiting for Memaw at the aiport in Manchester, NH.

Colvin wearing Pepaw's hat.

Month #4 Lessons Learned

August 27, 2008 – Four Month Milestone!!

We are four months into a 13 ½ month deployment and I decided to share my four most important lessons learned thus far:

1. Get in Shape – Physically filling the role of both parents is EXHAUSTING!! If you have ever chased after two children or you didn’t quite lose all your pregnancy weight, you know exactly what I mean! Usually, you are running in a million different directions, so you physically need the strength and stamina to make it through each day … and when all else fails … Coffee and Chocolate are your best friends!

2. Stick to a Routine – Find a routine that works for you … and have the kids in bed by a specific time because you definitely will need time for yourself. I use the time to unwind, sometimes finish up a few chores that I needed to get done or even just relax while talking with my husband on the phone. THIS IS A MUST!!

3. Share your struggles – Some people will tell you not to complain about things or share ‘bad’ news with your spouse … but let me tell you, if you don’t complain and pretend everything is fine, they WILL KNOW something isn’t right. We face challenges everyday, from car trouble to power outages to sick kids, that’s life and if I don’t admit to things being tough, Gary knows! And just because he’s gone, doesn’t mean that I stop sharing my life … when I cry because I miss him or I’ve had a bad day, he always knows just what to say to make me feel better. Always has, always will.

4. Hope for Tomorrow – Scarlett O’Hara said in Gone With The Wind, “Tomorrow is another day.” And it definitely is. Of course, relish your happy times, but when you have a bad day, you have tomorrow to start over. TOMORROW ALWAYS BRINGS NEW HOPE. And if you look on the bright side, tomorrow is one day closer to homecoming!

Bittersweet Celebration at Blue School

On Wednesday, August 20th, 2008, we had a bittersweet celebration at Blue School, Inc for Olivia and three of her classmates. After 2 1/2 years of learning and growing, Olivia graduated from preschool. But we made some AWESOME friends, made many memories, taught and learned beyond our expectations and can now say that Olivia is ready to move on to the next adventure! We haven't heard the last of Olivia ... she is so excited to be going to Kindergarten! A big thanks and lots of hugs to everyone who helped shape her into the little girl she is today! Check out the slideshow!

Fishing with Pepaw & Pancakes for Supper

Olivia and Pepaw went fishing today. Olivia caught a fish that was "this big." And it was wiggly and she didn't want to touch it and it flopped in the boat and out in the water. There was no evidence said fish ever existed except for the enthusiastic storytelling of a small, precocious child. And although I thoroughly believe that she did catch a real fish, I don't doubt for one moment she caught the biggest fish of all ... Pepaw's heart.

Poor Colvin!

What sisters do to brothers when mothers aren't watching. This is mild ... when I came back, Cole also had stickers on his nose, earlobes and chin.

At Sandy Point Beach

Olivia LOVES to play in the water! Splish! Splash! But ooooh! The water is COLD!

A trip along the coast...

Today I needed to wear the kids out so they would sleep early tonight and I decided to make a trip to Rockland (about an hour from here) to the Breakwater Lighthouse. The sun was finally out after a lot of rain, so the drive was perfect and beautiful. I love to drive along the coast, through the little towns, past the ocean, beside gardens full of gorgeous blossoms and vibrant colors ... it's really quite calming. And it's a LONG walk out to the lighthouse along the breakwater, I think almost a mile, which was sure to wear the kids out. And if that didn't do it, we stopped at Lincolnville Beach on the way home and sat in the sand, threw rocks in the water, and even mingled with the ducks. To top it off, we ended the day with a treat from Dairy Queen ... Yum! What an awesome day...the only thing missing was Daddy - he would have LOVED it! But we collected some seashells to send him so he can feel like he was there, too. Thanks Olivia, you are so thoughtful!

It's always about food...

Food seems to be a source of comfort and strength during difficult times and these last few days have been no different. Whether eating cookies at Hannaford, ice cream by the water in Bucksport or during our last visit to Jordan's snack bar (famous here in Maine!), you can tell we thoroughly enjoy ourselves and it always makes us feel better!

My new favorite inspirational song ...

2008 Nashville Star Melissa Lawson sings 'What if it all goes right'

...more ominous thoughts...

More bleak and ominous thoughts from me ... It's after 11:30 at night and I know I have been on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Things have been rough lately, nothing in particular, but everything in particular. While talking on the phone with Gary tonight, I said something I thought was absolutely hilarious (I get kind of giggly when I'm overly tired), laughed my rear-end off and then broke down crying ... and back to laughing, all in the same breath. That's how I know I'm going crazy! It's hard to explain my angst and frustration and despair ... it's everyday life, but when you take it on alone and face being alone for such a long period of time, it becomes quite daunting.

There's the laundry, cooking, cleaning and yard work; there's taking Olivia to/from/getting ready for school everyday (and toting Cole along with us), and doctor's appointments and getting the vehicles serviced and preparing for Kindergarten; there's managing bills and remembering birthdays and anniversaries and special occasions, and arranging to fix the house or the fridge or the dryer or the latest?...the chandelier over the kitchen table; there's discussing the possibility of selling Gary's mustang and grocery shopping and back-to-school shopping and chasing after and entertaining Cole day in and day out ... need I say more? I love them to death, but it's exhausting.

I've been trying to fit in eating better (convenience foods can be so bad) and exercising (I have to convince myself just to do it, God forbid I tell myself to find time for it) and I feel like the things I need to do for me, to make me feel better about me and feel better so I can keep up with the kids, I can't find the time to do. Everything is a challenge. Life doesn't stop when you want to stop, nor does it take a break. I'm so tired and I have a constant headache and I feel like I could just curl up and cover up and hibernate until next summer when Gary comes home.

And I hate venting about this, I hate feeling this way. I try to convince myself to be strong, but it's when I admit to myself that I am overwhelmed, it makes me more vulnerable and sensitive and exposed and I just want to cry. I want Gary to come home and hold me and kiss my forehead and tell me it will be okay because he always makes everything better. And I have shared my thoughts with him, as much as I don't want to make him worry, he is usually the one person that understands me. I'm so lucky to have him. I just can't think about how much more time we have left on this deployment because it seems impossible. I don't know how people get through this, I just don't know. Right now I feel like I can't do this ... but I will. I have to, I don't have a choice. That's just the way it is. And I have felt this way for a couple of weeks and I hope that tomorrow will be better. Everyday brings another tomorrow and another chance for hope. Tomorrow I hope that I'll find the strength to pull myself up and keep moving.

~Olivia's picture for Daddy~

Olivia makes Daddy a picture to remind him of home...

~We love you Daddy!~

Cole is Mobile ... I'm in trouble!

I took this video last week of Cole starting to walk...I mean, really walk...saying "go, go, go" the whole way. He would teeter totter around the living room, (he was actually quite wobbly) but when he crossed from one side to the other, we'd raise our arms in the air and say "Yay!" Well, as you can see, he started doing the same thing! He's so proud of himself! We really wish Daddy was here to see it! I guess this is the next best thing...

Leave your sister alone!

Cole and Olivia LOVE to play together -- sometimes she needs to be reminded to be gentle because he's still a baby, but one of these days, he's going to dominate her ... and I'll be screaming "Leave your sister alone!"

~Mommy's new haircut

Mommy has finally had it! It's about time for a change and with everything going on in our lives, there is a need to make things as simple as possible. And the fact that I have SO much hair and this summer has been really humid ... so I decided to get a haircut. I think it turned out cute - although the picture doesn't do it justice, I'm VERY happy with it! It's fun and easy!

Happy 1st Birthday Little Man!

Today is Cole's first birthday! And man has he grown! I don't know where the time has gone ... I blinked and it was gone. Daddy did call tonight to wish Colvin a Happy Birthday but we missed having him here. In just three months since Gary left, Cole has changed tremendously! He is getting in his two top front teeth, he can wave and say "ba" for "bye" and just the other day he took 4 very wobbly, but distinct steps without any support! Everyday he gets more brave and it will be any day now that I can finally be free of carrying around that extra 20 pounds! Nonetheless, I'm going to miss my little man!